Lately i have been thinking alot more about my mama more then i have done before. I do miss her and love her dearly. Sometimes i maybe talking ish about her and stuff but the past she put me in is still taking a toll on my life. I guess thats the whole reason i dont want kids is because i dont want to be a fail parent like my parents where to me. I cant see myself having to deal with the social workers in the bad way. Alot of time I've thought about having kids i just cant see it though because of the stuff i went through when i was little. Also i dont think my kids are going to have a cute trait from my side of the jeans. I also feel that if i do i will have a father that has bailed out on my child like both my parents did to me. I dont want a child from me brought into this earth because i already know its going to go wrong some how. I have the worst luck ever.
But if i was pregnant and/or ever got i wouldn't dare get an abortion or give my kid up for adoption because this whole foster home situation has to be the hardest situation my family and i have gone through. Its a hard world out there and i have not prepared life for nothing.
If i was asked to life on my own though at a young age i feel i could do it. Life is met to go through rough situations and the more that is build up the more strength you get. I have been the one having to put on a cold front for everyone. Especially my daddy Robert and I have had to be the strongest out there for him. I know if i was told to live alone i could do it and i wouldn't do any harm. Sometimes i think my whole living situation would be better. The house would be clean all the time and i could actually work and focus at school. I wouldn't waist my money on dumb crap like drugs or alcohol.
Some ppl are just different but i wish that sometimes i could just be grown up now.